so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
