We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
