the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
