just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
