I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
