If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
ttyl tear gas
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
