If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
