you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
