I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hippo gnu deer
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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