you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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