I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
