I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize