This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
