Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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