So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
