please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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