STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize