I seem to have left my pride at pride
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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