For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
