he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
