jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
