I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My ass is underappreciated
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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