I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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