I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
