dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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