I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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