I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
