For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
