i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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