I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize