Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
