Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
