I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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