WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
