You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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