idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
