I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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