So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
