You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
