Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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