They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize