AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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