and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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