you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
worst night to have a conscience
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
