It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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