cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize