Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
