I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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