Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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