Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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