He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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