Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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