Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
