ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I fill condoms, not promises.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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