What did we do last night that was yellow?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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