1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't deserve a penis
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
