i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
