i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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