I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
