Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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