U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Of course I have a pirate flag
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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