dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
