i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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