im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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