I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
