u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
