I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize