whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
