you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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