Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
